Are you chasing success but quietly losing time with the people (and the life) that matter most? The pressure to optimize, hustle, and “do more” often comes at the cost of presence, peace, and vitality.
In this episode of Productivity MD, Dr. Ann Tsung shares powerful insights from Tony Robbins’ Date With Destiny and her own experience as a physician working closely with life-and-death moments. She breaks down how unconscious values, emotional triggers, and rigid rules around success create overwhelm, stagnation, and regret.
You’ll learn how to redefine your “towards” and “away” values, make fulfillment easier to access daily, and structure your life so that—no matter what happens—you can say you lived without regrets.
By the end of this episode, you’ll have a practical framework to reclaim your energy, live more intentionally, and create success without sacrificing yourself.
Key Points From This Episode:
- Why the pressure to optimize often leads to regret
- Understanding “towards” values vs. “away” values
- How success-driven rules create overwhelm and stagnation
- Making fulfillment easier instead of harder to achieve
- Why health and vitality must come before productivity
- Reframing overwhelm, stagnation, and “not enough”
- How to detach self-worth from task completion
- Designing values that are dependent only on you
- Living with presence instead of waiting for “someday”
Resources:
Listen to the previous episodes here
LISTEN HERE
00:05 Dr. Ann Tsung Are you struggling to advance your career and sacrificing time with your loved ones because of endless to-dos, low energy, and just not enough time in the day? If so, then this podcast is for you. I am your host Dr. Ann Tsung, an ER critical care and space doctor, a peak performance coach, a real estate investor, and a mother of a toddler. I am here to guide you on mastering your mind and give you the essential skills to achieve peak performance. Welcome to Productivity MD, where you can learn to master your time and achieve the five freedoms in life.
00:51 Hello. Welcome to Productivity MD. I am your show host, Dr. Ann Tsung. Today, we’re going to be talking about how to live and die without any regrets in how you spend your time, specifically what I learned from Date with Destiny, and how to really get rid of that pressure to optimize, the pressure to succeed. Because a lot of times it’s because of that external pressure—the hustle culture, the you want to succeed—that we often sacrifice the time we want to spend with our loved ones, the time we want to spend for our health and vitality. And we’re continuing on to live with regrets, like, “I wish I spent more time here. I wish I spent more time with my husband, my wife, my son, my grandkids, my parents.” But because of that pressure to optimize, to succeed, we don’t. We continue to hustle.
01:46 You know, the purpose of Productivity MD, or the Time Freedom Advisory that we do, again, is so that starting today, you can structure your life so that if you were not here tomorrow, you can say, “I will have no regrets at how I spent my time.” A lot of us have something called “towards” and “away” values. For example, one of my ‘towards values,’ my primary question is always like — this is all stemming from Tony Robbin’s Date with Destiny. We all have a primary question. My old primary question I always go to is: how can I succeed? Everything that happens around me, I’m always thinking, how can I succeed? The later primary question I have now is, how can I make it better? Regardless of what it is, it’s always pressure to optimize, pressure to make it better, pressure to succeed in whatever your roles are or my roles are. So, as an example, success is one of my towards values. And because success is there, I used to sacrifice the time that I would have with my kids. Towards like 5 or 6 PM, I used to sacrifice that time so that I can feel like, professionally, I can be successful.
03:02 On the flip side, there’s something called the ‘away values’. So those are the negative emotions that you experience that’s really jeopardizing your goals essentially or just the sense of peace and calmness, the presence, the flow. So, for example, the feeling of not enough is pretty pervasive in the society. And I will say that the feeling of not enough exists in everyone—no matter what stage they’re at. So it’s actually pretty normal, okay? You’re not going to be able to get rid of it, but you will snap out of it. Just understand that this is a normal human experience and just, in one second, snap out of it. Alright?
03:44 My newest away value. We always have rules, like these beliefs of what has to happen, in order for us to experience this. My newest one, the top one, is overwhelm. And even though I’ve tried very hard, you know, when you’re a time creator — if you don’t know the five stages to time freedom, just go to the episode before this. But as a time creator, it’s detrimental because now you have free up the time. But because you have that pressure to optimize, you continuously say yes to more things with the time that you free up. Because they all look like shiny objects, they all look like good opportunities, so you say yes. You have so many open loops that are left unclosed, because multiple steps come after you say one yes.
04:29 My top emotion, because I used to be more of a time creator, it was overwhelmed. I would get overwhelmed whenever I see a gap, or something not closed, or one thing not done even though 95% of it is done. So I would see the gap. I would see lack of progress or lack of completion, and it would send me to a sense of like a micro overwhelm. It’s almost like there are so many things not done, and I wish that there was support. So because of that sense of overwhelm, I feel like I’m stagnated. And because of that stagnation, there’s a very small type like a feeling of not enough. Like, “Why can’t I just make progress on this? Why is it taking so long?” Then there’s a sense of feeling like let down, not supported, et cetera. Then it goes to anger, perhaps rage, that I’ve done everything I could to make sure that this is done. But sometimes when you’re working with teams, or people, or contractors, there are some things that are just like 5% left undone. So then you could start victimizing yourself and blaming others.
05:35 So those are all emotions that we want to stay away from as much as possible. You may have different away values or different emotions and roles, right? So a lot of us make it very hard to meet our towards values, right, and a lot of us make it very easy to achieve our away values. So we make it very hard for us to feel successful. In my case, I made it very easy for me to feel overwhelm and stagnation. And so we really want to change that. So if your top priority is to optimize, to succeed, to make progress, we want to make you feel like you’re always succeeding, that you’re always enjoying the present, being grateful of the present.
06:23 So I’ll give you an example. My old success values — for people, they have different rules, but it’s very similar. I want to be successful. If I finish fellowship, if I had gotten into NASA, becoming the flight surgeon, I’ll feel successful. If I have this income and this net worth, and then my family is healthy, I’m happy, then I will be successful then. So it’s ‘and, and, and, and…’ For us to feel good, or for us to feel like maybe in flow, to feel loved, this has to happen. The very common thing in our rules to meet our toward values, we say: “We have to do this and this and this, and this has to happen.” And it’s also dependent on other people. Like, “My kid needs to be happy with minimal outbursts. I need my husband or my wife to be happy with me most of the time. And if she or he ever lashes out, or if our child ever lashes out, then it makes me feel guilty.”
07:28 So you want to be very careful in the rules, where the rules are dependent on what other people do or how other people feel. You want to change it to where it’s dependent on you only. Alright? For me, in order to ascend from a time creator up to a time liberator so that is no pressure to optimize anymore, you know everything that you’re doing is in line with your purpose, your values, and that you’re present. You feel peace. You feel calm. You’re in the parasympathetic—the rest-and-digest mode. I actually had to take success completely away from my towards values. And the reason I did that is because my core, I know that no matter what I do, I will be successful. Whether in all aspects of life—my kids, my husband, my work—I know that because that’s intrinsically what I do in my core. I have an interesting motivation to do well.
08:27 Now, I put, at the top of my towards value, it’s health and vitality. Because if I have the energy, everything else will come. But if I don’t have my health and my energy, nothing else matters actually. So when I was recovering postpartum, or perhaps at the late stage of my pregnancy, just even getting up from the floor was difficult. Moving around, being able to run was difficult. That time, I would give anything. And I couldn’t weight-lift because I had short cervix. At that time, I would really give anything to be able to go back and just lift my bar, just lift anything. Nothing else really mattered, right? So my top one has gone up to health and vitality. My number two towards value, instead of success, is actually magic. The reason is because, if I can feel the magic and see the magic in myself, I see the magic around me and in other people, then I wouldn’t see any gaps. Right? I’ll see what’s been done. I’ll see the positive. I’ll see not the lack. I won’t feel that sense of stagnation. And instead of your progress, I’ll feel gratitude. And I will be more playful, spontaneous, playful. I just feel the magic around me. There’s so much, right?
09:54 Then number three for me is actually femininity in myself. That’s not about the looks so much. You can dress feminine but still have a very masculine energy, which where I am transitioning, I think, where it used to be. But to be more feminine in terms of how I am with my children, with my husband, and then with also just people who I collaborate with, the professional lives, letting things come to me and respond versus chasing. Right? And then really trusting your intuition, your gut. Knowing, like, I know this is not right for me, so I’m going to say no. Everything, again, in the time liberator, your everything is a hell no. Well, it’s a no, unless it’s a hell yes.
10:46 So that’s an example of the towards value, and I make it very easy to meet it. I just have to — it’s anytime I serve, anything that’s doing my longevity like working out, anytime I’m breathing, any time I’m stretching, any time I might go to maybe a chiropractor, a massage, float tank, anytime I do any sort of lab work or progress on health, movement, longevity, then I’m meeting my towards value. Magic is any form of playfulness. Anytime I notice any magic anywhere around me or maybe in myself, then I’m meeting it. For femininity—it’s anytime. You want to use the word—anytime I do this, I make it very easy for you to feel it every day. Anytime I can be soft, be very watery, anytime I dance or move, do a chest or body roll, not anything I wear that expresses femininity, I’m meeting it. Okay?
11:41 So think about what you want as a top of your towards values and how do you want to meet that. What roles or beliefs can you change in order to meet that? I had a client that, initially, in order to feel hopeful, he was saying that he has to build this business and then also start making money from that business for him to start feeling hopeful. That’s going to take a few months to do. That micro chunk of a business, that’s going to take a few months to do for him to feel hopeful. We got to change it to something where, every time I wake up, when I see the sunlight shining, every time I walk on the streets, then I’m feeling hopeful. Because you know, working in medicine, life and death, it’s just like that. I’m just talking to a patient, but one day, five minutes later, basically, his heart stopped. He had a cardiac arrest. I coded him for 30 minutes, and he was dead. That’s it. Yesterday, he was baking cookies for his grandkids. And so I’m surrounded by life and death all the time. Now it’s really getting to me where I really truly notice how important it is to live your life without any regrets. Because you just cannot predict life. There’s another 19-year-old who came to the ER. She was paraplegic. Her both legs were paralyzed, and her arms were very weak—she was only 19—from a car accident.
13:11 So there’s just no point in waiting, right, no point in waiting to decide how you want to spend your time. And there’s no point in spending your time living in these pervasive negative emotions. For example, for overwhelm, I changed it to — it used to be very easy. Anytime I saw a gap, anything that’s left undone, I change it to, “I will only indulge in the illusion of overwhelm only if I were to consistently think that the open loops, the left unclosed, is bad.” Instead of seeing them — this is like the solution to it, right? Instead of seeing them as an abundance of opportunities. I actually had a complete control of when I want to say yes or no, not right now, based on if I feel like this is in line with me, based on my gut, and based on my actual critical assessment. So only if I consistently think that I have no control, and if I consistently think that this is bad. But I really want to avoid doing that. I want to be like, think about you give yourself the solution. Instead of thinking that these are all opportunities, view the most amazing opportunities in any gaps. See the magic in it, okay? Instead of just seeing what’s left undone, you’re seeing the magic in other people.
14:34 Stagnation. For me, number two was stagnation. So I will only experience stagnation only if I were to get a consistent belief in the illusion that I’m not making any progress in the business, household, health, instead of celebrating any micro progress once or being grateful for everything I’ve ever achieved in my life. Okay. I’ll just share one more with you in terms of feeling not enough. Because a lot of times, when I experience overwhelm and stagnation, then it leads to feeling not enough. Why can’t I get this done? I will only experience the feeling not enough if I haven’t made any, if I consistently have not made any progress with any clients. And to feel that people actually care not to judge you. Because most people actually don’t care enough to judge you or even think about you. It’s all in our head. And if I only consistently believe in the illusion that task completion is a measurement of self-worth. And I know that instead of feeling like all the failures or really all the gaps are lessons. They’re not mistakes, right? They’re all more challenges or lessons, or you can say that they’re medicines to help you grow.
15:59 Now I hope that, you know, I know that was a lot and it goes very deep. It was like a seven-day Date with Destiny all chunked down to 20 minutes or so. I would say, just think about what is the most consistent, say, primary question that you ask or towards value, the top value that’s super important to you. That no matter what, it is so important to you. That’s pervasive through your life, that you’re always asking. It’s almost like you wouldn’t know how to live, right, if that wasn’t your goal. You wouldn’t know how to be if you weren’t always asking, for me, in my case, how can I succeed? Or how can I make this better? And so success was super important to me. Think about how easy if you can create a value, that is going to really be very important in terms of how you want to live your life — whether that’s love, connection, flow, playfulness, happiness, presence, et cetera, courage. You make it very easy for you to feel that. Anytime you think about the negative emotion—again, rejection, rage, loneliness, feeling let down, unloved, feeling not enough, et cetera—make it very, very hard. Only if you consistently do like instead of like the solution to this. Okay?
17:20 Of course, if you guys have any questions, you can contact me, productivityMD.com, or email me as well on tsungannMD@gmail.com. The show notes is going to be at Productivity MD. And just know that, no matter what happens, where you are in this life—you probably have a lot going for you—you are alive. And that’s something to celebrate. Everything, like in terms of optimization, in terms of wanting to succeed and progress faster, those are just bonuses, right? It’s important to actually enjoy the breath that you have now, life that you have now, the ability for you to even listen to this, to be able to think about this. Because there are so many people in the world that they don’t actually have the luxury to even think about this. So, again, everything we need is within us now. I want to thank you for your kind presence and attention.
18:22 Disclaimer: This content is for general information purposes only and does not constitute the practice of medicine. No doctor or patient relationship is formed. The use of this information linked to this content is at the user’s own risk. The content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Users should not disregard or delay in obtaining medical advice for any medical conditions they may have and should seek the assistance of their healthcare professionals for any such conditions. The views are personal views only and do not represent any university or government institution.